Here are a few quick things to tap into the power of self-forgiveness. This is not the ultimate list but contains a few reminders of some basics. This is how to build a healthy soul.
1. Learn the lessons. The first step to moving forward from challenging situations in life is to ask, 'What was in that for me?' 'How can I benefit from this?'. These kind of questions will help you dig deep into the challenge and draw out the good.
2. Detach. While we don't have to think that what someone did was right, we can allow ourselves to remove negativity from the challenge. 'Wow - look at how this has made me a ...' wonderful Mum, good friend, more understanding person etc
3. Compassion. Give ourselves the strength and permission to forgive ourslves and remind ourselves that we have everything we need inside us to get through this. We have the power of perseverance.
4. Gratitude. Thank you for this challenge for now I can see how I need to change. This is not an easy step, but reaching a place of appreciation opens a space for healing to take place.
5. Being unique. Each one of us is a different soul with our own unique journey we must take. We can remind ourselves that these hard times get me to my next level.
The same ingredient in anyone's cake of success is constancy to purpose. When do we fall away from our desires? Why is it so hard to reach that next level? What is constancy to purpose about?
One of the challenges in life is achieving a desire, a goal or a different existence with something than to what we have now. We have dreams, ambitions and yearn for some way of making a difference in our lives and the lives of others.
Generally, in the process of a goal, we might make one or two steps towards it or in fact go right up to a point where we are almost there. At that final hurdle something out of the blue happens. An unexpected occurrence happens that we have never counted on and would have been impossible to foresee. The universe sends a challenge so big for us that it goes from being another hurdle to an 20 foot high fence causing a block.
For most people, one look at the fence and we back away even knowing that their dream was just on the other side of it. Rather than pursue any attempt at getting over the fence, the ego kicks in our heads saying that told you so, that it's all too hard, we never could do it and we were never meant to have it. Boom. We resume to our victim status. The dream fades and the work we did before the fence disappears into thin air as if we never tried.
The universe never sends us a small hurdle or a large fence we can't overcome. However, in the grand design of life and the perfect order of light, it knows that we have a lesson to learn and a strength to find in order to maintain our goal and share it. Therefore, that big hurdle is a perfectly placed fence required to give us the grounding to cherish and receive the gift of our desire. The fence is necessary part of the process and run for it, jump it and land on the other side of it with certainty. It's all designed for you. Stay constant to your purpose.
Often, we live in a great deal of comfort in how far we believe we can extend ourselves. Wouldn't it be great if we could push just that bit further? How much more could we achieve if we stepped past our comfort zone? Can we make our lives as big as possible?
It's a real challenge in our day to day lives to see our potential beyond what we are doing. Each day holds a certain amount of routine and expectation. Within this routine we build a boundary or a barrier to what we could possibly be really achieving. We often dream of great things we could do but have a fear of putting these dreams on the line and turning them into reality.
What is a great desire to have in five years time? The challenge is not about creating a goal or aspiration as that can be something we do each day or each week, but to dig deep and commit to something that is big enough to hold for five years is a real stretch. The stretch is one desire we can really focus on beyond our daily and weekly routine.
To create a true desire it must be something that we ultimately share with other people. On top of pushing the desire to be a big stretch we must almost push past the boundary of whom we are willing to share the desire. We must push past the family, the friends, the neighbour and out into the community. The bigger the desire, the bigger the share and stretching ourselves to our full and true potential and fulfilment. Only then, real change is going to come.
The core of every development is dealing with our own ego. What is ego? How do we deal with ego? Why do we need to overcome the ego?
Ego is known as the opponent. It is the little voices in our head that throws of our course for reaching true fulfilment. The ego is to be treated as our very own opponent and to beat it, leads us on to happiness and free will. When we are led to think we are not good enough, not ready, find excuses or utilise reactions instead of pro-activity then our ego grows and leads us back to our usual outcomes.
To beat ego we must be aware of how it works and in what ways it sabotages our success. It generally appears best at work when we are, for example, thinking of ourselves, materialistically, for the moment, out of jealousy, fear, vengeance or confusion and to win. Truly successful and fulfilled people act for the greater good, exist with inner peace, focus on what is to be overcome, come from a place of forgiveness and compassion and can cut through reactions into an act of positivity.
The ego often appears as someone seeking acceptance, wanting to do the right thing by others, be noticed and be popular. As an act to reach fulfilment, there are times when we need to say no, say what we truly think, share who we really are and allow ourselves to makes mistakes or ask for help. In this way, we can move to let go of sympathy, resentment and bring in a victory over addictive, negative behaviours.
Fulfilment hits us in short bursts. How do we attain ongoing fulfilment? What is it we want that would sustain a life that is constantly fulfilling? Is it something we deserve?
To be living a life in fear, jealousy, resentment or other egotistical states deprives us of the key thing we want to achieve. To be caught in the routine, trapped in the humdrum or the state of being a victim leads us on a road to nowhere. We forget our choices.
In our lives we can often feel the beauty of fulfilment and how living in the bursts of fulfilment delivers short amounts of joy. Yehuda Berg says, “Happiness is an effect of being the cause". In other words, a great first step to ongoing fulfilment is to be aware of our lives and start to make changes that differ from our current decisions. Create the power of choice. Take control of all that is wrong and be responsible.
Little things can start to achieve this such as getting up at different times, choose different things to buy, go to shops you would not normally enter or wait for the train at a different part of the platform and gradually from that confidence start to make larger decisions outside normal comfort zones. When the change is uncomfortable, the better we become at choice and ultimately ongoing fulfilment.
From the place of cause rather than effect, we can begin a journey into fulfilment. We can start to travel down a road earning the key things we want to achieve a face the challenges slowly on a bigger and bigger scale. As we achieve and gain more fulfilment, we have placed ourselves in place of an open heart and mind to share, thus keeping our fulfilment ongoing. The sharing of what we have is what sustains the growth and the fulfilment. In those moments we chose to receive fulfilment for ourselves, and not to share, is the instant in which the sensation diminishes.
This blog is beginning with the end. The end is the key, decisive, impacting point that brings you to want to create change in your life. What is it about that end point?
For me, it would be simple to account a story of a happening. Perhaps for you, it is the same. It could be the end of your marriage, your career, money has dried up, you achieved the house and family and now you're asking yourself, 'What next?', a falling out with friends, addictions, constant conflict, abuse and the there are more with no finite list.
These kinds of occurrences are all very real, distressing and momentous points in our life that propel us from an end point of despair and emptiness into wanting to make a fundamental transformation in our lives. These occurrences are like catapults. They shoot us forward. This is the time when we say that we no longer want chaos.
As human beings, the end needs to come almost every time from a moment of turmoil or experience of resounding fear or pain before we decide to choose something different for ourselves. Once the dust has settled after the event of the end we are also holding the feelings inside. This hurt, anger, emptiness, revenge, bitterness or jealousy becomes us. This is what the catapult really is. The story didn't turn out with the ending we wanted or we were writing. We don't understand where things went wrong and in sets confusion. If we continue to live learning lessons from only pain and fear, we have barely lived. It's time to invite in change in a proactive way and return to control back to ourselves.
The confusion and chaos is where the drive comes. The moments in our lives when we arrive at finality, we want and desire for the new. We want for a life that provides fulfilment, that is real and ongoing. For many, this change begins however patterns of reactions and thoughts of negativity set in and the same feelings return with same result. This will bring a new start but with the same end and same result unless we learn to change or transform and ourselves and our actions.
So, how do we make the change, identify what needs to change and keep us moving into the new era? How do we head into the new life of light? This blog is my current process of transformation. This is the time for the final and beginning point in a journey of connection, transformation, action and manifestation.
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